


Duty to Life

by Elalalen



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama & Romance, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, House Targaryen, Infertility, Jonerys, Love, Mentions of Death, My First Fanfic, Post GOT, Targaryen babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-24
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-01 23:37:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15784473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elalalen/pseuds/Elalalen
Summary: The wars have all been won and yet Daenerys refuses a relationship with Jon, not matter how strong her feelings are for him. She will not let them become the last of the Targaryens and she is convinced Jon must marry another to father the next generation.Focuses mainly on Jon's point of view.





	1. Chapter 1

The first time Daenerys breaks the news to him that she can no longer marry him, he is standing in the Winterfell Crypts. It is one of the few places they can speak privately and they certainly can’t be seen going into her chambers in the middle of the day. 

They had agreed on the ship sailing here, that should they survive all the wars to come they would allow themselves some happiness after all their years of heartbreak. Since their agreement she would occasionally ask him if he was sure he wanted to marry her, knowing they would never have a child together. She would tell him what a wonderful father he would be, with that sad look in her beautiful eyes but he was always steadfast in his reply that the only children he would father would be hers or none at all. Still adamant in his belief that the witch's words held no truth. He would tell her that she was all he wanted and anything else would be an extra blessing.

But this time was different, it was a week after Bran had broken the news of his parentage to him, seemingly changing everything he had ever known. But he found once he had let the news settle, nothing had to change. He still knew who he was, what type of man he wanted to be. Eddard stark would always be his father, just like his siblings would always be his siblings. He loved Daenerys and he now knew there was nothing that was going to change that.

But now she tells him he has to marry another, a woman who can bare him children. She says they can't be the last Targaryen’s, she won’t allow it. Not even for her selfish love for him. His anger almost blinds him and in that moment he doesn’t quite understand how he can love her so much but feel so much rage towards. 

“Do I not have any say in this, Your Grace?” He spits out at her sarcastically, she is momentarily taken aback. It’s been such a long time since she has seen any sort of anger and frustration from him directed at her. For the past few months when he looks at her she sees only softness. Love. Devotion.

“We could die at any moment. All of us, lost. Who knows if we have tomorrow or next week. I could loose you and you're telling me this now? You want to take away the only thing that has made me happy in years. Now?”

She studies him for a moment, this man who has made her so happy in these last few terrible months. Happier than she has ever thought she could be.

“You’re right.”

He visibly relaxes, relief fills his body. He pulls her into him, resting his head atop of hers and she buries her face into his cloak.

“That’s the first time you’ve ever said that to me.” He says huffing out a sad chuckle, he knows this is not the end. She is stubborn and this discussion will come again if they survive. 

“Don’t get used to it.” She mutters into his furs. He smiles again this time it’s genuine, he lifts her head so he can see her properly. He thinks about how beautiful she looks in the low light of the crypts, eyes glistening with unshed tears a soft smile gracing her lips. He feels like he has never really lived without her and he knows he can’t loose her, he knows it with everything in him.

~~~~

The next time she tells him they won’t be marrying is when all the wars have been won. Miraculously they defeated the night king and then in defiance of all the lives they lost, they managed to defeated Cersei too. 

Despite himself he had been hoping he would have proved her wrong by now. He knew it was wrong to hope she would have their child within her while they were going to war. But he knows her too well, he knew she wasn’t going to let this go. They both have a will of iron and he knows there is nothing he can say to convince her. So he was foolishly hoping to have solved this problem before she had the chance to bring it up to him again. Of course he would love to have a child with her, a babe who looked just like it’s mother, but to him she is enough on her own. He has loved her for the better part of a year now and he cannot bare the thought of ever leaving her side. Not after all they sacrificed to be here now. 

It takes him a few days but he manages to convince her to take him with her to the capital. He is sure it has a lot to do with his sisters, she has grown closer to them as the months have dragged on. Of course at first they had all been apprehensive of each other, they all had too much life experience not to be. But once Arya and Sansa had seen not only how much she loved Jon but what she stood for, they had excepted her. They had seen the kind of Queen she could be and they knew with Jon by her side they would end so many people's suffering.

Jon and Daenerys leaving Winterfell was tough for them all especially when it was finally starting to feel like their home again. The last time they all separated still being fresh in all the surviving Stark’s minds, but winter was still here and the new monarch’s were needed in the south to help bring stability to the people. 

So they began their journey south and all talk of heir’s is once again put on a temporary hold. She still won’t agree to marry him but to him its something.

~~~~

They had been in the capital 8 moons before he had reason to hope. He realises one day over breakfast that they have been making love uninterrupted for all that time, which he gently points out to her. He doesn’t know much about pregnancy but he knows she should have had her moon blood by now and he knows it is some how connected. 

She tells him he is ridiculous, there is no way. It’s impossible. But he sees it in her eyes, that hope starts to build inside her even though she fights it. The one thing she dare not even wish or hope for. She discretely finds time to talk to Sam, who tells her its too soon to tell but its certainly a possibility and they should tell him if they notice any other changes. They won’t know for sure either way until she feels the quickening or her moon blood returns.

She spends the next week wondering around the keep with a stone face. Their advisers spend most of said week treading carefully around her, not wanting to ignite her wrath. They address any concerns they have with Jon, knowing she will listen to him. Tyrion asks him what’s going on with her and he replies that she is just stressed but he knows how fragile she feels. Her defences are up and she will not let anyone see this secret hope growing within her but each day it grows stronger and stronger. A babe of her own to love. She thinks her heart may burst open with hope and Jon finds that for once everything seems to be falling into place.

She doesn’t even change the subject when he mentions marriage, in fact one night two weeks after speaking to Sam she turns to him and softly suggests they write to his sisters. She shyly asks if they could marry in front of Winterfell’s Godswood before the have to have the expected huge ceremony in front of court. He doesn’t think he has ever been so happy, it feels wrong, unnatural even, but he lets them enjoy it. They have lost so much to get here. They deserve some happiness.

Her moon bloods arrives a few days later. His stomach drops the second he sees Sam leaving their chambers. Sam explains to him that it has come and there are many reasons a woman may be late, but he is fairly certain the Queen is not with child.

He cannot help but blame himself when he sees her, he expects her to scream at him. To banish him from her sight. If it had not been for his selfish hopes she may not have let herself believe it. He knows it was his own excitement that enticed her in. But the anger isn’t for now, no. It’s so much worse, how small she looks in their large feather bed. How broken. She let's him embrace her and they fall asleep that night holding each other in their grief.

~~~~

A week later she tells him he has to leave.

He tells her he won’t. That she can’t make him. They are equals and nothing will ever make him leave her side but death. 

He should have know, when they made love the previous night she looked at him with a desperation he hadn’t seen in her since before the war. Like this was the last time she would ever feel him, touch him, kiss him.

He swears he will never touch another, that all she is doing is making them both suffer. He will never have a child if it is not with her.

Then she starts making sense, which he comes to resent.

“So the Targaryen name dies with us? That’s not the end of the world. We could pick an heir, someone we trust to see it through. Tell me you wouldn’t trust Sansa or Ayra’s children with that task.” He is pleading with her now, he doesn’t even know if Sansa or Arya will ever marry and he knows neither he nor Dany would ever force them to. But he is desperate. Desperate for her to yield.

“You know its more than that. Our blood must continue, the dragons can’t die with us. I would trust Sansa and Arya with my life, but they aren’t Targaryens. Your child will one day rule the seven kingdoms with any child Sansa chooses as warden of the north. You are the only person I trust to raise a child to become the type of ruler the realm needs. A ruler that will love their people, all their people. It is our duty, not just to the Targaryen name but to all the people who have been oppressed for the last thousand years.”

“I won’t do it. You can’t make me.” He stares her down defiantly, fully aware he sounds like a child.

But she knows him, this sweet, wonderful man. She knows he will always do his duty, she knows he is starting to understand her reasoning. She can see it in his eyes, the fight between his love for her and his duty to the realm. Its one of the things that makes him such a good leader and it will make him a great father. But she can’t allow herself to think of that, it's too painful. Not now, when it has to be done. 

She also knows everything changes with time, when he leaves he will grow more used to the idea. She knows better than anyone how time can make you adapt to anything.

~~~~

After a week of this continued fight she tell him he will go north and find another. She tells him if he doesn’t leave she will have him thrown into the dungeons. Its an empty threat and they both know it. It’s almost laughable, she’s not even sure why she said it. But she’s getting desperate now and she needs him to leave soon or she will give in. She can’t keep fighting both him and her heart. Any longer and she will let him stay and that is something she can’t afford. She won’t let the Targaryen blood die with them.

“So I’m not even allowed to see you.” He is so angry with her, with the world for not giving them a child after everything they have been through. But most of all he is so very tired, tired of feeling angry, tired of fighting.

“It will be easier if we don’t see each other.” She says calmly, she won’t even look at him. She can feel him starting to give in and if she looks at him she will beg him to stay by her side forever.

“For you?” He spits out, how can she be so calm?

“Yes.” She finally brings her violet eyes to his grey ones and she can see the hurt in them. She never wished to hurt him, if anything she would kill anyone else who made him look like that. She wants him to be happy for the rest of his days and he will be. It will just take time.

“I understand your Grace, you wish me gone.”

“Jon, of course I-“

“It’s that easy for you? The second I’m gone you can go back to ruling as if we never met.” He is ashamed that he wants to hurt her like she is hurting him. Deep down he knows none of this is easy for her. He knows her heart, probably better than he knows his own.

“How dare you! I wish every second it where different. Of course you have to go north, I can’t sit and watch you everyday with another. You think I want to see you marry someone else, see her carrying the babe I could never give you.” She chokes down a sob and he takes a step towards her but she is too quick for him and steps out of his reach. She can’t let him touch her.

She somewhat composes herself before adding “You are the only one who can pass on the Targaryen name, who can father a child who will one day rule this kingdom. An heir that will ensure the wheel stays broken. Other wise the moment we die there will be more wars, more rebellions. More innocent lives lost for power. The wheel will keep turning and everything we have done, everything we have fought for will have been for nothing.”

He stares at her, he feels sick to his stomach. It feels like he has lost the ability to speak. It’s just so fucking unfair.

“I love you. And I will love your children no matter who you choose as your wife because any child of yours will always have my heart. But you can’t expect me to watch another woman live the life I dream of. You will go north and I will stay here and rule so your children may inherit a better world than we have ever lived in.”


	2. Chapter 2

He meets Evelyene Cerwyn a month after arriving back at Winterfell. He knows little of her, other than the fact that her Grandparent's were flayed alive by Ramsey Bolton for their loyalty to house Stark. He also remembers her father being one of the Lord’s who suggested they should all return to their castles after the battle of the bastards. At first he thinks nothing of her, too wrapped up in his heartache. She is pretty enough, with dark blonde hair scraped out of her face and dark northern eyes. She seems a nice woman and Sansa says she has been a great asset to her in rebuilding the north. She comes to Winterfell at least once a week sometimes more, to talk with Sansa and give her a respite from her duties. It’s clear that they have become good friends. He trusts Sansa’s judgement enough not to worry about her intentions, he also knows if she had any ulterior motives she would be long gone what with Arya around. Jon finds she makes pleasant enough conversation and she fits in well when they all dine together. But other than that he doesn’t really pay her much mind.

At first it's hard to do much of anything, Dany is everywhere he looks. She has managed to take over most of his thoughts, even in his childhood home she seems to have replaced his every memory. Everything reminds him of her, but she is so very far from him now. He looks for distractions wherever he can but nothing seems to work for long. He takes on more work than is expected of him, doing whatever Sansa requests. Sansa had quietly asked him when he returned if he wanted to take over her role as warden of the North. He may be a Targaryen, but he is also a legitimate male Stark as well. He would have every right to preside over the north, because he is a man some might even prefer it. But he could not do that to her, he knows how much she loves being warden of the north and the pride she carries working as her father once had. He hates ruling anyway, it’s only ever ripped him apart.

He tries to spend time with Sam who insisted on travelling back north with him, stating that Gilly was more comfortable there in the north than the south anyway. He says that despite how much he had come to respect Daenerys, his alliance had been to Jon first. It makes him feel sick to his stomach when Sam says this, as if they are on opposing sides now and people must pick between them. But Sam has a family and Jon doesn’t want to bring his friend down with how constantly miserable he his.

When he isn’t working he walks around the grounds in the freezing winter snow. It reminds him of his time at the wall and his body starts to take over without him having to think too much. He runs into Evelyene on some of these walks and finds as the days go by, how easy it is to talk to her. She was betrothed to a man who lost his life in the battle for the dawn and she talks openly of her continued devotion to him. How she will never love another the way she loved him. He likes her loyalty to her first love and is glad for the distraction talking to her brings him. He relishes any diversion from his own heartache.

After a few weeks of living like this he decides it has to stop, he can’t continue on in this way. Daenerys may have sent him away but he does not have to waste his life. He decides to allow himself some happiness and starts writing to her. He knows she will probably throw it in the fire the second she sees it and he hopes he doesn’t cause her any more pain. But he misses her more than he thought possible and if she will not allow them to see each other, the least she could do is allow him some contact with her.

In his first letter, he tells her a little about his time back at Winterfell and the new people he has met. He updates her on Sansa and Arya and he begs her to write him back, desperate for any news from her. He tells her even if she doesn’t wish to reply, he will continue to write to her and finally he tells her how much he misses her and the torture it is to not know whats happening in her life.

A week later he receives a reply, it’s rather formal but she agrees to a correspondence, stating that any information from the north would be of value to her. Ever the Queen. He knows Sansa writes to her regularly so he is well aware she doesn’t need to hear from him too, but this blatant lie makes him happier than he has been in weeks.

Sansa suggests it first, Arya has had a hard time understanding Daenerys’s motives, all she could see was her brother’s pain. She thinks her foolish and doesn’t understand why the mother of dragons would let something so stupid as a name come between her and her greatest love. But Sansa understands, of course Sansa wants Jon to be happy but she can respect what Daenerys is asking, she understands what it's like to have a house at the brink of extinction. To see your family come so close to it’s end.

“Evelyene would make a fine wife.” Sansa states innocently, while the family dines together one night.

“Oh shut up Sansa, not you too.” Arya scoffs rolling her eyes. Jon ignores them both deep in thought. He supposes she would make him a good wife. They both love another they can’t have, there would be an understanding there. He stops himself, unable to believe he is actually here considering it. It feels like a betrayal against his heart. But he has already been sent away from Daenerys, he doesn’t see how things could get any worse.

~~~~

Sansa talks to him more as the days go by about his options when it comes to brides, with so many losses from the war, there isn’t as much pressure for him to marry a bride from one of the influential house's. Hell, half of the most powerful house's in Westeros have been wiped out and of the ones remaining, the women are all unsuitable in some way. He is also already from two great house's and he is well aware he holds more freedom in his decisions than any woman could hope to have. As long as he marries a Lord’s daughter most of Westeros won’t complain, well for too long. Sansa comments what a shame it is her friend Margaery Tyrell is no longer alive, for she would make a great mother and wife. But even if she had survived, he wouldn’t want to marry her. If he must pick a wife it will not be someone who schemes for power, but a woman who will love their children and raise them well.

The more he speaks with Evelyene the more he manages to convince himself that she would make him a fine wife. He wonders what Dany would think of her and he thinks she may approve, he has mentioned her a little in passing in his letters to her. She is a good woman, a proper northern lass and he considers that in another life Evelyene and Daenerys might even have been friends.

He feels so conflicted, part of him wants to ride south and tell Daenerys he will never touch another and he would rather death come to him, than betray their love. The darker voice in his head tells him to go south and take the throne from her, his claim to the throne would not face much argument from the lords who despise a woman holding the power. He could take the throne and order her to marry him. No one would argue with the King, but that’s not him. He would never force a woman to marry him. But the part of him he hates most of all is the part that tells him to make the best of the situation. If Dany will not have him, he might as well find some happiness in his future children. He doesn’t give a shit about dragon blood, or the Targaryen name. There is no guarantee his children will be dragons, Viserys had the same parents as Dany but he was a poor excuse of a Dragon. When he had said this to Daenerys she had refused to listen to reason too consumed by her grief.

On one of his walks he comes across Evelyene with some of the children from Winterfell’s village and he notes the care and attention she gives each one. He can see she will be a good mother and he makes the decision then and there, if she will have him, they will marry. It still feels like a betrayal to Dany, like he is going against his every instinct. His heart screams at him, but he hasn’t listened to it for months now. 

~~~~

He tries to make the best of it. Evelyene is a nice woman and he does enjoy their talks. He asks her if she has ever considered marrying and she tells him that while she will never love another, she knows she will have to marry, and soon. Her father wishes to make alliances and she has to do her duty to her house. 

The more days that pass the more he comes to find a respect for her, both her brother’s died in the wars and she has a quite strength about her. Jon dislikes her father greatly, he seems to enjoy controlling both her and her mother and she confides in Jon that she is happy to get away from him, but worries about her mother. She assures him, when he gently asks, that her father has never been physically aggressive to either of them, but she tells him how he only sees them as objects in his life to be used however it can benefit him best. Jon briefly considers sending Arya over there to sort him out but Evelyene insists that no matter how he may treat her she does love him. The whole situation reminds him of Dany’s description of Viserys and he wonders at people’s ability to be so cruel to their own blood.

So after only a few months from Jon's return to Winterfell they come to an agreement, that they will marry. He still writes to Daenerys whenever he can but he can’t bring himself to write the words down informing her of his engagement. It seems like such a huge betrayal even if she is the one who sent him here. 

But people love to gossip and the news gets to her surprisingly quickly, he receives a raven from her offering him her congratulations. He recognises the penmanship immediately as Tyrion’s and wonders why she could not write it herself. All it contains is her well wishes for their marriage and her hopes for them to have happy healthy children. He is not sure what he expected her to say. It makes him feel a deep cold set within his soul that he has never felt before, even in all his time at the wall.

But he knows now, he knows he can make this work. He knows he can spend the rest of his days here in Winterfell making do with this life. He gets to see Sansa everyday and a lot more of Arya when she isn’t off serving justice to those who deserve it. But as much as he loves them he has difficulty finding peace in his new life, his nights are restless. Unable to get the silver queen out of his mind and he doesn’t think she will ever truly leave him alone. Sometimes he let’s himself think of a life where he could have been really happy, but he has spent most his life surviving and he knows how dangerous it is to dream.

A date is set, Sansa corresponds with Tyrion discussing which Lord's and Ladies should be invited from across the seven kingdoms. Daenerys will not attend, her hand explains that she has important matters in Dorne. Winter is still here and she can not rest.

He knows its a lie, but he is grateful despite himself. He wants to see her more than anything but he knows it will only make things harder for them both. There are rumours circulating that she is to take a husband in Dorne to bring a stability to the region. There are so many rumours floating around these days he tries to ignore them all. Especially when they involve Daenerys.

Evelyene receives a note from the Queen herself offering her congratulations and her public blessing. She shows it to him the day it arrives and he buries his resentment at her note being written by Daenerys herself. Lord Cerwyn gets his hand’s on it shortly after and parades it around for most of the north to see, much to his daughter's embarrassment and Jon’s annoyance. 

He spends his free time dreading each passing hour, every minute leads him closer to swearing himself forever to a woman who may well be lovely but will never be his Dany.

~~~~

The month before they are due the marry, Evelyene bursts into his chambers hysterical. Alarmed it takes him a few minutes to calm her enough for him to understand what it is she is saying as she seems unable to control her sobbing.

“I won’t marry you, I can’t.” Her body is shaking so much he tells her to sit but she refuses. The thought pops into his mind that before her, Daenerys was the last woman in here with him, save his sisters and he pushes down the guilt he feels for thinking such a thing while Evelyene is so distraught.

“I understand. Is it because you feel you would be betraying your first love?” He asks gently. Jorge, he believes his name was but doesn’t speak it for fear he is wrong. He’s not sure if he should go to her or if that would make her uncomfortable. He also wonders if there is any woman in the world that won’t turn him down to wed.

“No, I-, Well, I know the truth.”

“What truth?” He really has no clue what on earth she is referring to. He has been open with her from the start about his love for Daenerys and why she sent him here.

“I heard the maids discussing it. How the moment I have given you an heir or two, the Queen will come north and take my husband and children. I have heard the rumours for weeks but I did not think you so cruel. But then I heard Sansa speaking of your weekly correspondence with the queen when you told me that your relationship had ended. Suddenly it all makes perfect sense. I will have them ripped from me. Does everyone know of it but me? Am I to become the laughingstock of the kingdom? When I spoke to my father even he seemed to know of this plan. I was informed that it matters not where his grandchildren are raise or who by. As long as he can say they will rule the kingdoms one day.”

“I would never-“ Jon starts to defend himself but can’t even form a coherent thought it’s so ridiculous. 

“Daenerys would never take another woman's child from her. Yes, we had hoped any children that would come from our union will become the heir's to the Targaryen dynasty but you knew that. We spoke about it when you agreed to marry me. That’s not Dany, she could never-“

“I won’t do it, You will have to kill me before I will ever give up my child.” She spits out at him, he has never seen her so angry and she is gone out the door before he can respond.

He sees his mistake immediately, he should not have called her Dany. He should not have defended her first, he should have told her that he would never allow someone to take her child away from her before explaining Dany’s motives. He understands it now, Evelyene has never had her own say, her father will still make her marry him. She has never had her own champion yet here he is showing his loyalty to Daenerys, when all she wants is some proof she will not have her children taken from her. If he is to become her husband, he will have to be devoted to her and her alone. Not matter what he feels for Dany. She will become his wife and his duty to his wife comes first. He thinks of his own father, technically his uncle and considers what he would do.

The next day she returns to him with her father, begging his forgiveness. It is clear she is not there of her own free will. He tells her father that he will not marry her if she is forced into it but in the end he agrees to continue on with their betrothal. He sees she has no choice now, its too late. If he calls it off her father will blame her and make her life all the more difficult.

That night he writes his last letter to Dany explaining the situation and telling her that no matter how much he will always love her he must be faithful to his future wife and ease her fears. She will always have his heart, but sometimes that is not enough.

~~~~

It starts of as any other normal day at Winterfell, they only have a few hours of daylight during the winter so he likes to spend as much time in the daylight as he can. Evelyene still walks with him occasionally but doesn’t speak to him as much as she used to. He supposes it will take time for her to trust him and the fact she is there at all is a good thing. They are in the courtyard when he hears the call of a party approaching. They both look at each other in confusion, the wedding is only a week away and everyone who has traveled from afar has already arrived in preparation.

Then seemingly out of thin air she appears, ethereal in her white winter coat. She is standing in the Winterfell courtyard before him as if she never left. She speaks before anyone has the chance to announce her and Tyrion emerges from the carriage looking worse for ware and as if he has come against his wishes. She doesn’t even glance at Jon but speaks first to Sansa who had rushed out upon hearing the call, they speak for a moment in hushed tones. Daenerys then turns and looks directly at Evelyene and asks for a private audience with her, she agrees immediately unable to refuse the Queen.

He doesn’t know what she said. He doesn’t even really know how long they speak for. Evelyne emerges first from Sansa’s chambers and he can see that she has been crying. Daenerys comes out some time later wearing her mask of indifference joining Tyrion. To the casual onlooker, one would not be any the wiser but he can see her pain, how she hides her heart. 

“Will you be dinning with us, your Grace?” Sansa enquires after. Everyone is feeling a little awkward but decorum demands she ask. 

“No, thank you my lady. Urgent business requires the crown’s intervention.” Daenerys says sharply holding no room for disagreement. They all know it’s a lie, all the neighbouring houses within a days ride of here would have brought any problems to the warden of the north.

Tyrion clears his throat, not wanting to undermine the Queen’s words but clearly having a point to make, he gives the Queen a look and Jon can see tell she fights the urge to roll his eyes at him.

“Sansa do you think you can have some of the lords brought down to the main hall? I wish to name my heir publicly.” Sansa agrees hiding her confusion at the request, he doesn’t really see the point either. He assumed she would wait until a child had been born but less than an hour later she is standing in front of him looking at him for the first time since she arrived. Though she only does it for as long as she is required and not a second longer. She briefly speaks to Sansa about some of the food supplies and questions her about one of the smaller houses she was having trouble with a few months prior. And then, just like that she is gone. Tyrion stays at Winterfell claiming he will meet the rest of their party on the road back. Somehow she manages to leave Winterfell with her Queen’s guard before nightfall. Jon later finds out that she spent the night in one of the neighboring villages inn, before returning south.

Jon spends the night drinking his pain away with Tyrion. Despite himself he finds he has missed the man’s chatter, he inquires on how the Queen has been, whether she has been taking care of herself.

“Her Grace has a castle full of people to make sure she is well so she doesn’t have to. It’s still winter and we are still cleaning up after the last few rulers mess, namely my sister. She spends most her time working for the betterment of the realm. We’ve all been working to the bone.” He replies gulping down the rest of his ale.

He also asks if she seems happy. Tyrion doesn’t reply to that just gives him a look that says he is an idiot.

After a few drinks he learns that there have been whispers in the south of the Queen’s inability to have children. People have already been discussing the line of succession, which is why it was necessary to publicly declare him earlier. After a few more drinks he finds out there was an attack on her life, someone managed to scale the red keep in the middle of the night. The Queen would be dead had she not fallen asleep in her office reading scrolls. 

He doesn’t sleep at all that night. He just stares at the stone above his bed. Wondering if he will ever find sleep again if something happens to her. It then occurs to him that even if they both live long lives he will only see her a handful of times from now on, she will not come north unless absolutely necessary and he will have no need to travel south. 

~~~~

Evelyene comes to him the next day and apologises for her accusations, this time without her father and this time he knows she is sincere, come of her own free will.

“You have nothing to apologise for, if anything you show a dedication to your future children that an child would be lucky to have in a mother.”

She smiles back at him genuinely but there is still a sadness lingering between her eyes.

“I have spoken to my father and to Sansa and have told them we wish to postpone the wedding.”

He goes to object but she raises a hand to stop him.

“I know it is difficult with some of the guests having already arrived but they did get to witness you being named heir of the seven kingdoms. I’ve told them we wish to know each other better before we marry.” She pauses slightly before continuing on.

“Do you think you can travel south without anyone knowing? Sansa will help for her part.” She says to him seriously.

“No, I won’t dishonour-“

“Do you think you can get there without too many whispers?” She interrupts him, staring him down seriously. 

“Aye, but-“

“Listen, to me. You will go to her one last time. Then you will return and we will marry. From then on we will be dedicated to one another.”

“I can’t-“ He tries to put his point across that he has given her his word and he won’t dishonour her in this way but she refuses to listen.

“You will because I won’t marry you if you don’t. My father will have to hold a knife to my throat throughout the ceremony. I will never forgive you. Do you know what I would give to spend one night with Jorge? You can, you have the opportunity to see the woman you love one last time before you marry, it is no secret that we don’t love each other. I want you to have this.”

He can’t believe she is serious, he does not deserve this woman or her understanding. He briefly thinks it may be some trap but he knows thats not in her nature. She doesn’t calculate or scheme, she genuinely wants him to have this. She has a romantic heart and she wants them to have this one night before he vows himself to her.

~~~~

He leaves the next day, it takes him longer than he expects due to some of the winter storms but before he knows it he is outside what remains of the red keep. The Dothraki guard’s placed outside let him pass without any discussion, he knows there will be no talk from them. They are loyal to their khaleesi.

She is stood on the balcony of what was their chambers, now they are her’s alone. He thinks about scolding her for not wearing more clothes, it’s the middle of winter and she will catch a cold or worse. But he just want's to look at her a for a few minutes, pretend nothing has changed. He thinks about her being his wife, about being able to see this view of her enraptured by the stars every night. She gives out a great sigh, her shoulders slouching. She holds the weight of the world on her shoulder’s, or at least the weight of the seven kingdoms. 

“Dany.” His voice is soft and raspy from days of disuse. At first he thinks she may not have heard him but after a short pause she turns to him slowly.

“What are you doing here?” She asks afraid of the answer, she wants him to tell her that he has come for her and he will not marry. She want’s him to fight her again, tell her he will not leave. She knows she will give in, she has missed him too much.

“I’ve been given the chance for one last night with you, if you’ll have me.”

She considers his words and looks at him properly for the first time, searching for any changes but find’s none. He is still her Jon. The Queen gives way to the woman inside her. She walks slowly towards him and he meets her halfway desperate to feel the lips that have haunted him for all these months. 

They make love all night long, the first time is desperate, needy, the second is slow. They spend their time together drinking in as much of the other that they can. The rest of the night seems to blend into one long night of pleasure and love. It is a night of acceptance and they use it to memorise all they can about the other.

As dawn breaks he awakes to her, the sight he has longed for all these months. He kisses her awake so softly at first she barely feels anything before desire weighs out. The both know this will have to be the last time, her tries to record her ever sigh into his brain. It will have to be enough. For them both.

~~~~

When he arrives back at Winterfell he begins to wonder if it was a mistake, he had just started getting used to being without her and now it’s as if he is back to the start again. But he could never regret any time with her. The hours he spent with her made him feel like he was finally able to take a full breath of air when he had only been taking small shallow breaths of survival for months now.

Evelyne is outside, awaiting him. No one says anything about his disappearance, he is sure he has Sansa and Arya to thank for that. Though he is sure no one would dare say anything to him anyway. The first thing he notices when his eyes fall on her, is she is in all black, it’s obvious something has happened while he was away as she is clearly in mourning. 

“My father is dead.” She says evenly.

“I am sorry. I should have been here.” He replies softly, but she frowns and shakes her head at him. He feels so ashamed, she has had to deal with this on her own while he indulged his heart in the south.

“I loved him, I did, but I will confess I feel some relief.” She says it with such guilt that he takes her hand in his own.

“You should not feel guilty for the relief of being able to make your own choices. If you no longer wish to go on with our agreement, I would never force you.” He knows she is now the head of her house, with her brothers gone she is free to make her own choices.

“No, I will still marry you. It just feels different now it’s my own decision. I truly think we could find some happiness, you and I.” He smiles at that, he can understand her feelings and he is starting to believe the could be happy too.

~~~~

He finds out exactly what it was that Daenerys said to Evelyne the next day. It’s a week before the small wedding they have planned is to take place and Evelyene meets him after going over some final arrangements with Sansa.

“I’ve heard many things about the Queen these past few years, but I never paid any of it much heed as it seemed to change so much. From mad queen to saviour of the realm, well one of the saviours of the realm.” She looks at him obviously referring to him. He isn’t sure what to say to that but he looks down a little embarrassed. He has never been one for praise.

“But I understand why you love her. I understand why so many are devoted to her. She is a fine woman with a good heart. She told me of all the things that have happened to her and it is a wonder she holds no bitterness to the world. It’s clear too me that she understands what it feels like to have no choice in your own life. I know I resented my father but I am thankful he was not as bad as her brother. Viserys, obviously not your-.“ She stops herself clearly embarrassed, but he shakes his head for her to continue it doesn’t bother him anymore. 

“She told me of her husband, of her son. Rhaego. The way she spoke of him, I know she would not snatch any babe from my arms, she is a mother herself even if her son does not live. I am honoured to have her as my queen and I am honoured our children will carry on her legacy for a better world. It seem’s so unfair-“

“JON!” She is interrupted by Arya frantically shouting for them. His usually calm and collected sister is panicked, frantically calling out to them. They both run to join her as she leads them inside.

“Is Sansa, Okay? Arya tell me whats going on.” He asks as they rush up the stairs into Sansa’s room. Sansa is sitting on her bed holding a letter in her hand, the raven must have just come. He knows her well enough to see she is fighting for composure, shaking ever so slightly.

“Whats going on?” He doesn’t mean to sound so direct but he is scared, there is no time to think.

“It’s from Tyrion, they believe the Queen has been poisoned. The maester’s have suggested the heir be brought to the capital in preparation.” She pauses unable to continue, his heart sinks to the cold stone floor below. No. Not Daenerys, not like this after all they have survived.

“Tyrion believes she has weeks, if not days to live.”

He turns to Evelyene not sure what to do or say, looking for an anchor of some kind. He isn’t sure if he is breathing properly, it feels wrong, forced like his body doesn’t remember how.

“He suggests that you and Evelyne come south together, he knows that it is hard for you to hear. But they are worried about any possible rebellions. They have created such a fragile peace, he ask’s that you come as soon as you are able.” She continues on.

“No, I’ll stay in the north unless you have need of me. I don’t want the Queen to have to see me in her last days.” Evelyene says as gently as possible. Jon hates her slightly for admitting that Dany is dying but is thankful for her understanding.

“I’ll come with you, you can’t go on your own. You’ll fall of your horse.” Arya says and leaves the room which seems to kick everyone around him into action. He hears her giving orders down the hall, he turns to follow her aware he still hasn’t said a word.

“Bring Sam with you. He, Gilly and little Sam can follow in the carriage they will only be a couple days behind you.” Sansa says and he turns to hug her to him tightly. Thankful for her foresight all the while berating himself for not convincing Sam to stay behind to care for Daenerys.


	3. Chapter 3

They arrive in the capital in record time, yet it still feels like a decade has passed since Jon first heard Sansa tell him the news. It was torture waiting for word to come, not knowing if Dany could have slipped away at any moment.

The second he arrives Tyrion is outside the gate waiting for him, looking worse for ware. He informs him that she is still alive, but she is very weak and the Maester doesn’t think she has long left. Jon immediately darts off towards her chambers, leaving Tyrion behind before he has even finished speaking. He is so focused on seeing her, he only vaguely notices the morbid feel around him. The usually bubbling keep feels devoid of any life.

The second Jon enters her room he sees Missandei hunched over her. It’s clear Missandei has been crying and it looks as if she hasn’t slept in weeks, he is sure he looks much the same. Daenerys looks so little in the centre of the large bed and he can see she has lost a lot of weight, she’s the smallest he has ever seen her. Even in the war when rations had been so scarce for everyone she was never this thin. She appears to be sleeping and he notes the gentle rise of her breath which he is beyond grateful to see.

“I don’t understand, how did this happen? Who is responsible? Have they already been executed? If they are still alive I will do it myself.” He asks Missandei his mind overwhelmed with thoughts, already planning ways to kill whoever has done this to her.

“At first we thought it was a passing sickness. She started feeling ill, but she refused to be fussed over, you know what she’s like. Then she just got worse and worse. As the days passed she seemed to get sicker and sicker, the Maester’s told us that the only explanation was poison. They believe it’s been administered over a long period, by a poison that wouldn’t kill her immediately but- would kill her slowly. So as not to make it obvious who is responsible.”

“Can anything been done? Is there no anecdote?”

“The Maester says a poison that is taken over time works differently to something that would have killed her immediately. It does it's damage slowly to her organs. He says thats why she can’t eat anything and he says there is nothing we can do. Especially as she grows weaker. They have been giving her strange concoctions but it only seems to make her worse, she can’t bare the smell, let alone the taste. She hasn’t eaten in days and anything she is forced to eat, she can’t keep down. So there seemed little point in forcing her.”

He tries processing Missandei’s words but he can’t find it within himself to believe her, despite the proof laying in front of him. He sits next to where Daenerys is lying on the bed and begins stoking her hair, no doubt a comfort more to him than to her, although she does stir to his surprise.

“Jon?” Her voice is barely above a whisper, it’s strained and weak.

“I will give you both a minute and see if some broth has been made.” Missandei says closing the door behind her as she leaves. Daenerys flinches slightly at the mention of food and he notices her eyes take longer than usual to focus back on his own. He pushes down the fear that courses straight through his body at the sight.

“You’ve come.” She says, a small smile graces her lips but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

“Of course. Where else would I be? You need me.”

She doesn’t reply at first but she seems to be mulingl something over in her mind, she gets a distant look in her eyes and he can’t bare it. It's all too much and before he can stop himself he says the one thing he has been thinking since Sansa broke the news to him.

“If you die I will never forgive you.” Her eyes snap back to him quicker than before and he sees a return of some of her fire, the sight gives him hope even if he knows its foolish.

“That’s not fair, I have no say in it.” She responds tartly to his confession.

“No, but you’re the one who made me go North when I should have been here with you. I never should have left, I should have ignored you. You damn stubborn woman.”

“If you had been here you would be dying too.” He doesn’t speak for a while trying to ignore the words that she has let slip out, admitting her own mortality. He can’t acknowledge her admitting that this is her end. Although he hadn’t thought of that and he supposes she is right. He refuses to tell that though because she was still wrong for sending him away. He supposes they most likely would have shared most there meals together but at this moment it seems like the anything is preferable to this, even his own death. 

“We would have had more time together. We-“

“Jon, Stop. Please.” She says silencing him, he waits for her to speak but she seems to be arranging her thoughts. She takes a deep breath and swallows before continuing.

“The Maester’s tell me I don’t have long left, you need to speak to Tyrion about the food shipments, there have been some problems with some of the ships brought over from Essos. You will need to get everything in order, take over before anyone has the chance to question your claim.”

“Dany. You have lost your mind if you think I’m going anywhere. I’m not leaving you for a second.”

“But the people-“

“Fuck the people!” He doesn’t mean to be quite so loud but he seems to have no real hold of his emotions. His outburst causes her to wince slightly and he immediately feels guilty, moving to brush the side of her face with his hand in silent apology.

“Haven’t they taken enough from us?” He asks, he feels the tears begin to fill his eyes and he realises he has yet to shed a tear. She looks at him with such a gentle look in her eyes and brings his hand from her face to her lips.

“You don’t mean that. I know you don’t. You will be the best king the Seven Kingdoms has every know and your children will follow your example. Don’t let this change you, you are not a bitter man. You are the best man I have ever met and you will do this for me. You will find happiness after I am gone.” She says, her eyes burning with passion and he wonders if she knows that she is the most beautiful woman he has ever met, even now. He also wonders how she doesn’t know there will be no happiness for him without her, just a hollow world that has taken everything he has ever wanted.

He says nothing in reply not wanting to think of living in a world where she is gone. He won't promise his continued happiness even if it will ease her heart. He will never lie to her. They sit in silence for a while her eyes fluttering occasionally before she breaks the quiet.

“Will you lay next to me?” He doesn’t say anything but removes his shoes and outer clothes before getting into the bed next to her and gently pulling her into his arms. She lets out a sigh as she melts into him, the tension in her body seeming to disappear out of her. 

~~~~

Jon stays true to his word and doesn’t leave her room until Missandei makes him to quickly wash and put on new clothes. Pointing out they don’t want the Queen to catch anything else when she is already so sick and he is still dirty from his journey. She also points out how most smells seem to make her feel worse, to which he concedes. When he returns he finds Arya sitting where Missandei once was staring at Daenerys as she sleeps.

“I will find out who has done this to her.” She promises him adamantly, he knows Arya has been angry at Dany these last few months thinking her foolish. But he also knows she still cares for her deeply. His love for Dany means she will always be one of the pack, even if she has been separated from them.

He thinks it must be a good sign that she has not been sick since his arrival but when he mentions it to Missandei she looks at him sadly and says thats because she has nothing left in her to be ill. Which somehow feels worse. Later he watches as she begins retching painfully, he dives to get a chamber pot but sees Missandei move towards Dany comforting her instead. He watches helplessly as her weak body heaves resulting in nothing but pain for her. After what must only be a few minutes but feels to him like hours she falls back against the pillows delirious with the pain from dry retching and now the beginnings of a migraine. He sees that Missandei was right, this is definitely worse.

The Maester comes during the night, Jon hasn’t slept much at all and Daenerys only sleeps intermittently. He looks her over nodding gravely to himself before telling Jon and Missandei she must drink more of the thick syrup he has prescribed. He is only in there for a few minutes before Jon finds himself wanting to throttle him, he isn’t sure how this idiot managed to become grand Maester but his incompetence seems blinding.

~~~~

Sam arrives the next day, Jon is not quite sure how he was able to get here so quickly especially with Gilly and little Sam but he is grateful none the less. He keeps the hope burning within himself that Sam will be able to perform some miracle no matter how hopeless it seems.

Sam looks her over and speaks to the Maester, his face remaining grave. Jon immediately knows there is nothing he can do from the look on his face but he doesn’t want his friend to confirm it to him. 

“Do you know what poison was used?” Jon asks him desperately. Hoping that if Sam could figure that out, they might be able to help her in someway. Never has he felt a hopelessness like this.

Sam shakes his head, concern still laced across his face. Gilly looks at Daenerys’ small form, curiously from where she stands in the corner of the room.

“It just doesn’t make any sense. There must be-“ Sam’s voice trails of he is clearly deep in thought and Jon doesn’t want to interrupt him. Yet when he doesn’t say anything after a few minutes Jon finds he simply can’t wait.

“Is there anything we can do? There must be something that can help her, even a little.” 

Sam considers his words briefly before a determination comes across his face.

“I don’t know much about poison's or how to cure her but I know she needs her strength. If we can get her to eat something and keep it down. We will start little at first and build it up.” A resolve seems to spread across the occupants of the room, the Dragon queen has spent her life saving others and now they will give her the best chance they can at survival. 

Sam asks one of the maids to bring some fresh water with a teaspoon of sea salt and sugar, Missandei offers to go instead and Jon smiles at her gratefully. Neither of them know who could be behind this but Jon knows anything for her will be safe for Daenerys to drink. Sam tells them they have to get her to drink as much of this concoction as possible along with a lot of normal water but only ever taking small sips to help her keep it down. He says it is important that she stays warm but they must be careful she doesn’t slip into a fever as that could be the end for her.

By the time night rolls by it seems everyone around him has an assignment to help Daenerys in some way, no one gives him anything to do so he lays next to her and speaks to her in her moments of consciousness. Unfortunately they grow fewer and further between but they manage to get her to drink a lot of water and she is only sick once. Sam even compares the amount of fluid she was sick to what they have given her and says that its promising and they should keep their work up.

Jon falls asleep that night praying to every God he can think of that this will help her, that this will work.

~~~~

The next day Sam says they should try introducing some substance to her diet. They will start with starchy bland food, some plain bread from the kitchen, some broth and some crackers. After she eats the broth Jon observes Daenerys has some colour in her cheeks and he lets himself hope that this is working. That is until half an hour later when she begins being sick again and it doesn’t stop until the evening. It seems all their had work has been for nothing but they are all determined they will not give up. Sam says they will continue on with the water for another day and perhaps just the crackers for now and she manages to keep that down, which Missandei says hasn’t happened in a weeks.

They continue on this way for another week but the days all seem to merge into one, the manage to get her to eat a little more each day, but it is still never a lot. Jon rarely leaves her room unless forced and he is grateful to learn that Tyrion has called for Ser Davos to help him in running the realm while himself and Daenerys are unable to. He writes to Sansa a lot and he knows Arya does the same, they are both aware she will want any news as it comes. He also writes a letter to Evelyene updating her on the situation, he knows Sansa will tell her news when it comes but he feels he owes it to her to inform her himself. 

They all leave the room to eat, not wanting any smells to make Daenerys sicker than she already is, but Jon thinks very little of food with the exception of what Daenerys is eating. He shovels his own meals down eating out of necessity all the while hating ever second Dany is not in his sight, thinking she may disappear. 

One morning after his meal he returns to find Gilly caring for Daenerys, while Sam stands in the corner. He is preparing her a tea of some kind, mint in an attempt to settle her stomach.

“You should try Ginger, it always helps.” Gilly suggests to Sam as she dabs Daenerys’ forehead with a damp cloth trying to help ease her headache.

“I thought of that Gilly, but I’m worried the taste will be too strong.” Sam huffs, he is clearly frustrated and trying his best. Jon knows that Sam feels like he is letting him down by not being able to help her any more than this, but he is grateful to his friend for his efforts.

“When my sister's would get sick with their babes it was the only thing that would help.” Gilly says innocently enough, but it causes Jon to recoil slightly hoping for the first time that Dany is too out of it to hear the passing comment. He moves closer to Dany and takes her hand in his kissing it softly as he has done a thousand times in the last few days. When he looks back at Sam he has the oddest expression on his face.

“What?” Jon asks, snapping him out of his daze.

“Here, when she wakes see if she will drink this. I have to check something.” He shoves the tea into Jon’s hand almost spilling it everywhere and dashes out the room. Jon turns to Gilly hoping she knows whatever it is that he has missed but she looks just as confused as he does.

Sam returns after an hour just as frantic and asks Jon permission to examine the queen again, Sam starts to look her over applying gently pressure around her tender stomach. Jon isn’t sure what exactly it is that he is doing but Sam seems intent on his mission so he doesn’t question it for now. That is until Sam turns to him quite red, clearly embarrassed.

“Umm, well you see Jon, I need to check something but it doesn’t feel right me doing it to the Queen and you love her so. So, well, I was uh, I was wondering if you could- Well, if you could-“ Sam stutters.

“What Sam? Spit it out. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.” Jon says desperately.

“I need you to see if her um- bosom is sore.” Sam finally states, he is the reddest Jon has ever seen him.

“What?”

“I have a theory that everything seems to point to and this could be another sign.”

“What theory?”

“I can’t tell you yet Jon. Not yet. Please just do it.”

Jon gives him a weird look but steps towards Dany anyway, willing to humour his friend if it could help. Had it been any other time or situation he might have found the whole thing funny. He touches Daenerys applying a bit of pressure but not wanting to her hurt, she reacts immediately awakening.

“Stop Jon. What are you doing? That hurts.”

“I have to speak to Missandei and the maids.” Sam says bolting out the room just as fast as he came in.

“What's going on?” Daenerys asks confused.

“I have no idea, my love.” He says sitting down next her and placing a gentle kiss on her forehead.

~~~~

Sam returns an hour later looking petrified. The expression on his face makes Jon’s heart stop briefly. He doesn’t get more than a step into the chambers before Jon drags him in the next room not wanting him to alarm Dany.

“Sam. Whats going on? Tell me right now.”

“I don’t know if it’s something you want to hear.”

“What? Sam stop it, this is driving me mad. Tell me.” Jon is quickly loosing the little patience he managed to muster as Sam huffs out all the air in his lungs.

“I think I know why the Queen is sick, in fact I’m almost positive I know, but there is no way of confirming it before another month or so.” He says and Jon can tell he is about to start rambling.

“Sam!” Jon warns him.

“I think the Queen is with child.” Sam blurts out, wide eyed.

“What?” Jon is sure he must have lost his mind or Sam has or quite possibly they both have.

“You know women get sick when they are with child, well its quite rare but sometimes women experience extreme versions of that. I’ve spoken to Missandei and she confirms the Queen has not bleed since you visited her a few moons past. She has tender breast's which is another sign and look at her stomach. She has lost so much weight, but there is a small bump if you know to look. There would be nothing there if it was fat, she has no fat left.” Jon stares at him a moment, he trusts Sam more than anyone to care for Daenerys and he tries to make sense of what his friend is telling him. As he seems to come to terms with this unbelievable news, one thing hits him with a stunning clarity he hasn’t experienced in months.

“We have to tell her.” Jon states moving to go back inside the room before Sam puts a hand on his shoulder stopping him.

“Do you think that is such a good idea? It may cause her extra stress and with this type of illness there is a chance her sickness won’t go away until she has the babe or she-“ He doesn’t finish the sentence they both know what he is applying. Just because she was not poisoned doesn’t mean she will survive. She may still loose her fight if they can’t get her weight up.

“No, trust me. I know her, it will make her stronger, more determined.”

~~~~

He has no time to think about what this means for them before he re-enters the room and walks towards her. She is awake and her eyes land on him the second he enters, she gives him a tired smile and he briefly wonders how on earth he is going to get her to believe him.

“I have something to tell you, but you're going to get angry at me and not believe me.” Jon says sitting next to her taking her delicate hand in his own, she gives it a little squeeze in reply.

“Please just listen and try to keep an open mind.”

“I’ll try.”

“Sam believes you are with child.” He sees her shut down immediately dismissing him like he knew she would.

“Please listen, Dany. He thinks you are sick because of the babe, he says this much is unusual but it does happen to some women. You haven’t bleed since I came to you that night, he says you have many of the signs, he says he is positive.” Jon says softly not wanting to upset her too much, but needing her to believe it. He sees her consider his words but she won’t let herself believe it, in this she has been burnt before. It’s too much to ask her to believe that all she has ever wanted grows within her when a few days early the Maester told her she had days to live.

“I will hear no more of this nonsense.”

“My love, you know I would not tell you this if I thought he could be wrong. Not after last time, I would not get your hopes up for nothing, not when you are so weak. But he is convinced.”

“Stop this now.” She spits out at him, pleading him to stop this torture.

He gently pulls the blanket back from her and lightly places his hand on her stomach, Sam was right. He immediately sees the tiny curve that shouldn’t be there yet miraculously is. She looks startled at his touch about to say something but he cuts her off.

“Dany, look. I know you see it, you’ve lost so much weight there should be nothing there. That’s our child.” He says and feels the emotion finally hit him, he forces back his tears.

She looks to him and to her own stomach, confusion crosses her face. Confusion transforms to shock, it’s her own body and yet she has not noticed this thing growing before her eyes. A sob finally escapes her, she pulls him to her for a kiss and it is the sweetest they have ever shared. He wraps himself around her while she cries softly giving her the security she requires.

A throat clearing interrupts them, Missandei and Sam are stood at the entrance of the room. Missandei is openly crying holding her hand to heart while Sam looks a little uncomfortable.

“Your Grace, I hate to say it and I understand this is an emotional time but you can’t cry right now, we need you to keep your strength up.” Sam says nervously, at first Jon thinks it's a poorly timed joke but sees his friend is serious. He turns to Dany to gauge her reaction and finds his instinct was right. He was right to tell her. She has a determination burning within her now, it’s the same look she had when she told him they would defeat the night king together and it’s what he imagines she looked like when her dragons where born. That look gives him more relief that she could ever know because that look wins wars and he feels it deep within his soul, that she is going to get through this.

“You’re right, of course Sam.” She says seriously, ready for whatever Sam instructs.

~~~~

They decide only to tell a select few for now; Tyrion, Davos and Arya first. He wants to tell Sansa but he knows he should wait until Dany is stronger or has put on a little more weight. The improvement in her is seen immediately, she is still sick an awful lot but they manage to find some headway. They discover more foods she can keep down and they find that if she eats lots of little meals throughout the day it helps a lot. Sam and Jon speak to the kitchen staff and tell them to try and sneak as much substance into her diet as possible, a little sugar or starchiness or butter to her small meals to try and put some more weight on her. They start giving her porridge and sugared milk with rice which she seems to love and manages to keep down most days. Missandei also finds that the more fresh air they can get in the room helps alleviate her nausea along with changing the bedding ever few days to keep things fresh and airy. 

It seems they have their own small team dedicated to keeping Daenerys and the child as strong possible. Jon feels a new appreciation for all these people who have been with them since the beginning of their stories, through wars and destruction helping now support this new life. 

A month after her pregnancy was revealed to her, she almost looks back to her old self again. She is still thinner than usual but it doesn’t make his heart tight to look at her anymore. She doesn’t have as many headaches and the rings under her eyes are elevated somewhat. She is still sick at a couple times a day and when Jon asks Sam about this Sam tells him that it’s still more than the average woman. But they seem to be out of the woods if they can keep her weight up and make sure she drinks enough water everyday. 

Daenerys deals with it with a quite determination that he had expected of her. She has been a mother since she fell pregnant with Rhaego, he knows that, but he sees how lucky their child is to have her with her every breathe. She must be uncomfortable for most of the day and he knows she is frustrated that she cannot yet walk around, or attend to matters with Tyrion but she never complains. Although he does catch her propped up in bed one morning reading documents Tyrion needed one of them to approve. He tries to be annoyed at them both but he is just so relieved she was feeling like her self again. He is not so forgiving when he finds Daenerys hunched over being sick in the hallway, after attempting to walk to a small council meeting.

Before he knows it, it's been two months since he has arrived and he apprehensively writes the news to Sansa his hands shaking as he writes down the words for the first time. He also writes to Evelyene with a heavy heart, although it is seemingly the greatest thing thats ever happened to him he knows he is letting her down. He explains Daenerys is with child and that they are to marry. He tells her that he is so sorry to do this to her and he writes that if she ever needs anything, himself and Daenerys will do whatever is in their power to make it happen. But he will not allow this child to be a bastard and he will not leave Daenerys again.

He receives a raven a week later in reply, Sansa is overjoyed and he has the sneaking suspicion she wrote it crying. Out of relief or happiness he’s not sure but there are some suspicious marks on the paper he thinks may have been tears. He once again thanks the Gods for his stoic sister whose heart is bigger than most people will ever know. Evelyene’s reply is filled with more kindness than he deserves, she wishes Daenerys all the best and hopes they have a strong and healthy child. She also expresses her happiness for him and tells him that there is no one in the world that deserves to be happy more than the two of them.

It is a day filled with good news.

He is sitting in their chambers when Tyrion enters with news from the Citadel, they say spring will be here before the end of the year. It means the food supplies will be a lot more comfortable for the whole kingdom, they won’t have to spend so much in food shipments but can instead pay more back to the iron bank who still expect the crown to pay the previous rulers debts.

They are still discussing what it will mean for the realm after Tyrion has left when she suddenly gasps halting their conversation.

“What is it? Do you feel ill?” He is on his feet in seconds ready to spring into whatever action is needed.

“No, I- I can feel it. I can feel the babe moving.” She whispers the words out precious as they are. He brings his hand to where their child lies within her, he can’t feel anything yet. Later Sam says it will probably be a few more weeks before he will be able to feel any movement. He is excited for that but for now this is enough, a sign that their babe is strong and alive within her. That all of this won’t be for nothing.

They plan to marry the next week in front of a handful of people. Daenerys can’t be sure how long she will feel well and she still sometimes feels a bit dizzy when she stands for too long so there will be no large ceremony that everyone expects. Tyrion complains about not being able to invite more Lords and Ladies from across Westeros but Jon knows he will think of something to calm all the noise and quell the gossip. He always does. 

~~~~

Their babe is born on the first day of spring.

Daenerys awakens him only a few hours after they have fallen asleep telling him the time has come. He runs out of their chamber to awaken everyone calling for Sam and the midwife, in only his breaches thoroughly scandalising the maids who are not used to seeing the king so underdressed, especially roaming the castle.

She labours for 18 hours, he worries for every single second of it, conscious of the fates of both their mothers. But then he has been in a constant state of worry since he left Winterfell so it doesn’t feel like much of a change.

Then all of a sudden her cry joins her mother's and she is here. She is small but Sam and the midwife say it is to be expected with Daenerys being so sick, but she is loud and there is power in her cries. He spends the first few hours staring at her in Daenerys arms. Everyone has left the new family to be alone so Daenerys sits with her, skin to skin feeding her whenever she requires it. Unwilling to give her up to her crib yet, although she does ask Jon if he wishes to hold her which he finds an excuse against each time. 

She is so very small and he has never held a baby before, he was not allowed to hold his younger siblings. He would instead sneak into the nursery when the rest of the family had gone to bed and watch them sleep, keeping guard. Making sure they were okay. 

This continues for a few hours before Daenerys tells him he has no choice and if she can push her out of her body, he can manage holding her. Before adding.

“If you can defeat the night king, you can certainly hold your daughter.”

The second she is in his arms, she has him. The world seems to shift and he understands it now. It seems to him that everything has become clearer. He knows now why Dany was so desperate for a child, of course he had wanted a child with her. But this feeling that overcomes him is like nothing else. The love he feels for this person he as known for a few hours consumes him, there is nothing he would not do for her. 

As the days go on he finds it incredible that he can love this babe so much, a babe who does little more than sleep and search for Daenerys' breast. It seems everything she does is astounding to him even when Arya tells him to he is a big sap and Sam laughs at his him gushing over the size of fingernails. He finds in the end Daenerys is the only person he can continue to rave on to about every little thing their babe does, as she is just as enraptured by her as he is. They are the definition of proud parents and Tyrion comments he is not sure a child has ever been so doted on before. 

They decide to name her Laeanna in tribute to his mother and Daenerys insists she be given the middle name of Evelyene after the woman who is responsible for all their happiness. As time passes Laeanna starts engaging with the world more finding an interest in the things around her. It becomes everyone's mission to make her smile or laugh even Tyrion, who comments that everyone is far too distracted by the child, can be seen making funny faces at her whenever he sees her. Jon even catches Arya blowing raspberries into her crib one afternoon, he bursts out laughing when he sees it and she goes to defend herself before admitting.

“What? I love her, I already like her more than you and I can already tell she will be a better fighter.” She says defensively.

He smiles fondly at her before agreeing. He loves the bond she already has with his daughter, she will be travelling back north soon enough after already postponing her departure several times.

~~~~

When Laeanna is only 6 months old Daenerys discovers she is with child again. This time she gets to tell Jon. The three of them are spread across the bed in their chambers, the spring air breezing in through the open windows.

He is speaking to Laeny ever so softly, Dany only manages to catch glimpses of what it is he is saying. Promising their child the world, telling her that she can be whatever she wants to be, that she is centre of his heart. It still manages to bring tears to her eyes, she always knew he would be a wonderful father but everyday he seems to do something that makes her love him even more. 

“With Arya leaving for the north, do you think Sansa may be convinced to come south for a visit?” She asks him gently her voice low, not wanting to startle the babe.

“I’m not sure, a lot of terrible things happened to her during her time here. Although she has written many times of her desire to see Laeny.” He replies but he never takes his eyes of the wiggling babe in front of him.

“I suppose we could go north instead. It would be nice to have at least one of our children born in Winterfell.”

“Yes, my love. That sounds wonderful.” He replies still clearly occupied, Daenerys lets the grin pass over her face amused that he clearly isn’t listening to her properly.

“Jon, Darling. Did you what I said?” She asks softly trying in vain to hid her mirth.

“Yes, of course. We wish to travel to Winterfell.” He says tearing his eyes away the babbling babe to look at Daenerys.

“Yes, so we might have our second babe there.” She says softly her eyes filled with tears of happiness.

“What?” He asks convinced he has misheard her. She lets out a joyful sob which he soon joins her in.

“Are you okay? You haven’t been sick. Will it be like last time? Is it safe so soon?”

“Jon, My love. Relax, everything appears to be okay. Sam says it could be different with every babe I carry. I confess I have felt a bit nauseous this past week, it’s what made me talk to Sam in the first place.” She says, tears stream down her cheeks yet she laughs as she speaks. She never thought she would have one living child let alone two to love.

~~~~

Jon worries for her having them so close together but Sam is always around and she has the best care the Seven Kingdoms can offer. This time she only feels nauseous for the first few months before she seems to return to her old self. She is much larger than she was with Laeanna and Jon loves every second of seeing her happy and plump with his child.

Laeanna meets her little brother for the first time when she is just over a year old, having barely learnt to walk. The first time she sees him she bursts into tears followed shortly there after by Daenerys who is convinced it’s a sign they will hate each other forever. All she wants is for her children to have the sibling relationship she never had. Jon has to stop himself from laughing at them, he understands her worries but he is so deliriously happy and her remembers Rob acting the same way when he first saw Sansa and he was a four years old, not still a babe like Laeanna.

He is a much larger babe than his sister, Sansa even comments they could almost be confused for twins with how fast he already seems to be catching up to Laeanna, before bestowing way too many gifts and kisses to them both.

When he is but a week old Daenerys lays him on their bed, Laeanna watching over him curiously, it’s late in the day and he is due a sleep so he is getting rather fussy. Daenerys goes to put him at easy before she hears the giggles. She is so shocked it halts her efforts only causing him to cry out louder resulting in the little girls laughter to increase. She is momentarily alarmed before realising she is laughing at his little wiggling legs and she is just a babe herself. Who can blame her. Most her life everyone around her has been trying to please her, cater to her every desire. She probably thinks her little brother is a new toy brought to amuse her like everything else around her. Daenerys finds herself holding back a laugh herself hearing the belly laugh bursting out from her daughter. Coming back to her senses she attends to her son to calm him, she wonders around the room with him trying to put him ease as Jon enters. Upon seeing her beloved papa Laeanna raises her arms in signal for him to pick her up, a habit they are try to break in a effort to encourage her wobbly walking. This time he picks her up though having heard his son’s cries starting to quieten and not wanting Laeanna to start him off again. Once in his arms she reaches for Daenerys to which Jon gently explains to her, that mother is calming her baby brother but she persists nevertheless, it becomes clear she wants to see the baby so he takes a step closer. As he nears them she reaches out to her grizzly brother and with a gentleness they hadn’t known a 1 year old could posses strokes the top of his head. He calms immediately and Dany and Jon look at each other in shock. 

“I told you. They love each other already.” Jon states, a huge grin spreading across his face to which Daenerys’ own face mirrors.

“You were right.” She says happily, before going to put their son in his crib. When she returns she walks towards Jon and Laeanna, Jon brings her into the embrace so their eldest is snuggled between them.

He is not sure he deserves this life. He may have given a lot to get here but he has also done some things he is not vert proud of, things that keep him up at night. But he made a promise to himself not question any of it when Laeanna was born happy and healthy. Their children are already a hand full and some days are difficult to get through but they are without a doubt the best things that have ever happened to him. They are the reason he and Daenerys fought so hard. For the life they never knew they could live. For the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my plan was for Dany to have hyperemesis gravidarum (more commonly known as what Kate Middleton Suffered with during pregnancy) as I felt that was probably something that could be mistaken for a poisoning, especially without the help of modern medicine.
> 
> I have really enjoyed writing for the first time and I am considering doing a companion piece from Dany's point of view, explaining her motives a bit more. If that is something anyone would be interested in.
> 
> I totally understand what a lot of comments having been saying about her logic but I really wanted to explore this avenue and how infertility can effect some people. My mother left the "love of her life" because she was told she would never have kids and she couldn't bare him leaving her, so she didn't give him the chance. A few years later with medical help she had me and my siblings with my dad (not that same dude). I'm not saying I think this is ever going to happen in the show or books, if anything there would be no time for a storyline like this especially in the show but like I said it was an avenue I really wanted to explore.
> 
> Also thank you so much for all the lovely comments it really means the world to me, I was convinced everyone would hate my writing and no one would read it.
> 
> Thank you for reading!!


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